Ask A Hater: Sunglasses at Night

Dear Hater,

Why do people wear sunglasses at night?

- Kid Koala

Dear Kid with made up name,

People wear sunglasses at night for the same reason they wear orange spray tan, or that they use entirely too much hair gel... they are brutally misinformed.  You see, these people actually believe they look cooler with these accessories, and not like the tool boxes they end up very closely resembling.

If only there was someone good enough out there, that they respected (that is important because if its just some guy all we'll get is one more homoerotic brobrawl, and no one wants that), someone to tell them:  "Hey man, you look like a douche."  Maybe the Fonz.

I can probably count the number of living people cool enough to get away with wearing sunglasses at night on one hand, but regardless of the coolness factor, there are plenty of practical reasons not to wear sunglasses at night.

1.  You could seriously injure or maim yourself.

2.  People will think you don't know what decade it is.

3.  People will think you're blind.

4.  You look like a douche rocket.

I could go on, but you get it.

Everyone wants to be the next Corey Hart, and that's okay.  But I think the sooner we all just accept the fact that none of us will ever be able to match the songwriting genius of Mr. Hart, the better.

corey hart sunglasses at night
Uploaded by iowaluder. - See the latest featured music videos.

-The Hater

Doug

Funnie, to be more specific.

I'm going to nip this is the bud right off, I'm not hating on the show "Doug".  I grew up with and loved the misadventures of the kids of Bluffington just like the rest of babies of the mid-80s.  I can't, however, extend the same love to the show's title character.

Even when I was watching the show as a eight-year-old, or whatever, I would constantly think: "Man, this kid is such a wimp."  Seriously, Douglas, grow a pair already.

I'm not sure what it was about him that seemed so wussy.  Maybe it was the fact that he kept a diary.  Or that he never asked Patty Mayonnaise out.  Or that he constantly lived in fear of Roger, the school "bully" who never actually beat up anyone.  Or maybe its just that he was a total coward and whiney baby.  I don't know, probably one of those.

At least he could come out of his shell long enough to give us this masterpiece (Even though Doug lets Beebe completely steal the spotlight... cause he has a phobia of pink girls, and everything else)

FUNNY PICTURES - auto insurance

Doug Funnie, you Overrated.

Fun Fact: Did you know (at least, according to Wikipedia) Doug's neighbor, Mr. Dink's name is a reference to the acronym "DINK" (Dual income no kids).  I didn't even know this phrase existed in the 90s.

Chopsticks

No not that song (does anyone even actually like that?), I'm talking about the...erm... "utensil".

 Holy #$%^ they replaced her boob with rice! Japanese people. (I really didn't want to use this picture but it was seriously like the only one on the internet with a person and chopsticks in the same shot).

Now, I understand that writing this immediately after the "Battle Royale" post is a risky play.  Not even a week after I lock up the entire Asian blog reading market I'm blowing it, but hey, I can't play favorites, I call em' like I see em', and China hasn't attempted to buy me out yet (Ehem, What is taking you so long!?).  

So chopsticks are going down!

I don't hate chopsticks or anything, I just think they're a little silly.  Being nifty with a pair of chopsticks impresses people and I'm actually pretty good at using them, but beyond a novelty, chopsticks are completely impractical.  To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, you don't see anyone trying to pick up leaves with a pair of pool cues.

At least they aren't Phantom Menace chopsticks

I get people defending them as a cultural thing, but its not like chopsticks is an art form and even if you argued that it was that doesn't excuse virtually everyone in China, Korea, Japan etc. using them exclusively over forks and spoons.

When something comes along from another culture that is far more practical and easier to use than something you have, you throw away your crap and adopt the new method.  You think Native American warriors kept using spears and bows after they got their hands on rifles?  Well, okay, maybe some did but good luck finding those guys, cause they're all dead, cause that was like 600 years ago or something.

Get with the program chopstick users!  Of course, I'm one to talk, here in America where we are still using inches and quarts.

Even so, America is not on trial here!  Chopsticks, you're overrated.

Okay, I have a hard time picturing a fork and spoon being more useful for this...