"Too Many Cooks" or The Greatest Opening Theme to a Fake Show Ever

So yesterday, at 4am Adult Swim aired this.

I don't want to go to deep into it, the mystery of where it will go next is a big part of its majesty, but it is worth pointing out that all of the actors names are their real names.

Is it a show intro that never ends or a show that is nothing but an intro?  You be the judge.

(It starts getting weird around 1:18).

Thanks to Lorie Steele who showed me this on DangerousMinds.net where it was posted by Richard Metzger with thanks to Syd Garon. 

Brooklyn Vocabulary to Match Taylor Swift's New York Vocabulary.

Breaking News:  Taylor Swift is in love with New York City.

And before the inevitable breakup and subsequent top 20 single about it, she wants to share that love with all of common folk out there, in as awkward a way as possible.

In the video below, she tries to educate the average joe and janes on the world in the terminology of New York City.

In this painfully contrived cross branding campaign with NYC tourism, Swift reads some words hesitantly off a cue card in one take.  Everything about it is pretty painful for anyone that actually lives in NYC (only assholes say "Noho").  It did insipre me, as a resident of the greatest city in the world, to share some important terminology one should know if they ever want to visit the borough of Brooklyn.

"Kings County"

Starting off with an easy one here.  Kings county is Brooklyn.  Like Queens county is Queens, and Richmond county is Shaolin.

"South Brooklyn"

Not to be confused to southern Brooklyn, south Brooklyn is the area south of downtown Brooklyn.  Hoods like Carrol Gardens, Boreum Hill, and Park Slope all help make up south Brooklyn.

"In a minute"

Now, most people are probably thinking, "Hey, we say this too."  Nope!  Anytime someone's saying "It's been a minute" or "I haven't been there in a minute."  They're saying, "It's been a lot of minutes".  Like the exact opposite of a New York minute.

"Pie"

Here's a little language lesson for all you monogloids, "pizza" means "pie" in Brooklyn Italian.

"Hipster"

You know, some of you might think you've got hipsters where you live.  You don't.  Brooklyn is the capital, the Mecca, the one and only place you can find true hipsters.  It isn't just about the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to, its about the lifestyle.  Hipster is one of those words that people use to describe people that isn't necessarily an insult but everybody always means it as an insult.  Most people deny their hipsterdom and if they don't they're usually a massive douche.  Suffice it to say, if someone from Brooklyn is calling you a hipster, you probably are one and they probably don't like you.

Note the pleasure the subject takes at the smell of his own farts.

"Word"

Truth.

"Bougie" or "Bougey"

Slang from the word Bourgeoisie.  Despite its origins it refers to a certain type of upper middle-class citizen becoming more and more common in Brooklyn.  Bougie people are nice, and they like nice shit.  Got a bodega?  Now its a organic grocery.  Got a dive bar?  Now its an artisanal pizza and wine bar.  Shit is extra Bougie in south Brooklyn.

Bougie people LOVE their huge ass baby strollers.

"Go take a ride on the G train."

Go to hell.  (No one says this, but they should).

"Corner Store"

I've been living in Brooklyn four about six years and somewhere along the way I started calling bodegas "corner stores".  Maybe its because no one that runs any of these places are ever hispanic, I don't know.  Everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say them, but I'm not actually sure if anyone else uses this phrase.  Note:  They do not have to be on a corner.

"Prospect Park"

The greatest park in any city anywhere.

"Yo"

Can literally mean anything.

"Fuggedaboutit"

Translation: "You're a tourist".  No one from Brooklyn actually says this anymore.  If someone says this to you, they're mocking you, yo.

So that's it.  Hopefully this guide will help you survive your next trip to the borough of kings.  We out!

Virgin Airlines' 6 Hour Long Ad is Horrifying Twisted Brilliance

Yesterday, Virgin Airlines fully exposed us to BLAH Airlines, their personal critique on their competitors.  The concept of advertising yourself by showing potential customers how awful the alternatives are is hardly a new sales technique.  What is new, however, is the level of crazy that Virgin brought it to.

The video features immobile mannequins in an airliner on a simulated flight from Newark to, "the city that never sleeps", San Francisco.  An actual five hour and forty six minute long simulated flight.  The video features a delay on the tarmac, LONG stretches of wandering silence, babies crying, obnoxious passengers, inner monologues, and hallucinations.

I can't imagine anyone actually sitting through this entire thing uninterrupted, but it is definitely worth it to skip around on the time line.  The entire "flight" is full of bizarre and hilarious moments, like this strange child or this man obsessed with coffee or Hairspray.

I've never flown Virgin Airlines and I don't have much of an opinion about their flight experience, but after seeing this, they clearly have at least one genius working in their advertising department.

Seriously, this had better get Oscar consideration.