How to Survive New Years in New York City

New Years is right around the corner.

Ugh.

New year, same old cluster fuck.

No matter how well you plan, it always turns into a disaster culminating in a walk home where you're asking yourself, "why?"

Show up someplace with your friends at 11pm, it's kind of lame but you don't really have time to get anywhere else before midnight so you decide to stick it out.  You scan the room looking for a hot single somebody that you might be able to hook up with but the only person in the very crowded bar or party that doesn't have a date other than you is that very same person who want stop jabbering in your ear.  You manage to get separated from your friends and spend the first 7 of the 10 second countdown looking for them before you tell yourself fuck it and give a half hearted "happy new year" to some random couple making out next to you.  Then, when you do find your friends at least one of them has managed somehow to get completely shit faced so when you attempt to find somewhere else to go you go between trying to keep them from belligerently shouting at everyone they walk by and waiting for them to piss in some alley.

Well, I'm not promising that this year will be any different for you but if you follow my guidlines you can at least minimize the damage.

Don't Do It

Just don't.  Any of it.  It's not worth it.  You're not going to get laid.  You're not even going to get a proper anonymous make out sesh.  All you'll get is a hangover the next day and healthy dose of regret.  Still set on venturing out into the night?  Okay then...

Stay Away From Times Square and Other Tourist Hell Holes

For God's sake.

Don't Swing For the Fences

You try to go big on New Year's in NYC you will go home a failure.  Aim small. Go to a party where there will be less than 50 people, and you know at least half of them.  No party invites?  Go to a bar within walking distance of where you live, or at least no further than five subway stops and go with just one or two friends, big groups equals a big headache.

Don't Bar Hop Before Midnight

You're at a party at 11pm but its kind of lame, you're at some bar but its too damn crowded.  Stick it out.  After the 10:30 threshold, by the time you are able to round up everyone in your crew and find another place you'll be knocking on midnight and stone sober.

Pace Yourself With the Booze... Or Not

The worst thing for New Year's midnight rolling in and you find yourself already too drunk to walk straight.  Not only does it make your life difficult but you don't want to force your friends to babysit you the rest of the night.  But on second thought, if you don't do it, one of your friends will.

Wait Til After Midnight to Bail on Your Friends

If you do find yourself with a big group on New Year's it can become a hassle keeping everybody happy. Don't bail on them early, but after midnight it might be a good idea to go your own, break off with a smaller group of friends, or head out with some new friends you might have made.  Loyalty is important, but life is to short to be miserable, even with friends.

Look like this the next day? You should be so lucky.

Don't Try to Hook Up With Anybody

Just a good general rule to follow whenever you go out. Let love (and by "love" I mean probably a one night stand that will result in no further communication between parties besides a few friendly texts the next day) find you. A lot of people are desperate on New Year's, that means that you don't have to be.  If you go out trying to have a good time, you just might.  If you go out trying to get laid, you're probably going home disappointed.

So that's it.  That's what I got.  If you must go out on New Year's Eve, be safe and follow these guidlines.  You might just wake up the next morning not regretting the way you ended the last year.

2014 Year in Review: St. Vincent, Album of the Year

Around the time of last year's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony and Annie Clark joining Nirvana on stage to perform "Lithium" it occurred to me that she is the coolest person in music today.

Since Clark's band, St. Vincent, came on the scene with their phenomenal 2007 debut album Marry Me she has cultivated the perfect mixture or accessibility, experimentation, and persona.

While Clark continues to write and compose all of St. Vincent's songs herself, she has gradually backed off with some of the recording responsibilities.  On Marry Me, Clark recorded nearly everything you hear on the album herself; from the vocals to piano to percussion to the dulcimer.  On 2014's St. Vincent, Clark is satisfied merely with recording the vocals and guitars leaving everything else to guest and studio musicians while she focuses on the bigger picture.

It is unlikely anyone would call any of St. Vincent's albums timid in their ambitiousness but with this year's self-titled St. Vincent there is a confidence that seemingly was not there before.  She allows things breathe and take shape more organically.  Perhaps it was Clark's 2012 collaboration with Talking Heads frontman David Byrne or just the gradual progression of her artistry, either way the result is a beautiful adventurous sound with just enough familiarity to appeal to mainstream.

The electronic crunch of the opening track "Rattlesnake" clashes perfectly with the desolate desert imagery of the lyrics.  The urgency of Clark's voice gives way to an explosion in the following track, "Birth in Reverse" signalling the crisp guitar/synth sound that most of the album is styled with.

I hesitate to use the word "balance" when describing St. Vincent because it implies even distribution.  St. Vincent's individual parts exists mostly in chaos.  Clark's brilliance is her ability to temper that chaos with just the right amount of order - a smooth vocal melody here, a well timed guitar breakdown there - and then have it all come together for a masterful flourish of sound.  The soft crooning of "Prince Johnny" melting into the electronic methodology in "Huey Newton".  

Technology is a recurring theme of St. Vincent, techno-esque guitars and robotic sounding vocals clashing up against lyrics that call for human connection in a digital age.

This is best encapsulated in "Digital Witness", a bombastic song heavy with brass instruments in the verses and synth in the refrain.  The song also shows off Clark's best talent: taking a song trying to go a million different ways at once, forcing it onto a one way-track and fueling it with a great hook.

There is something distinctly more joyous in St. Vincent that was absent from the band's previous albums.  Clark herself described the album as reflecting a much more "extroverted" emotional state when she wrote and recorded it.  A track like "I Prefer You Love", which Clark wrote when her mother briefly fell ill, might have been a introspective melancholy song if it had appeared on Strange Mercy (2011) or Actor (2009). But on St. Vincent it is a celebration.

The final track of the album, "Severed Crossed Fingers" is the most emotional on the album, and my favorite.  The lyrics of the song speak to the quiet and incredible ability people possess to create hope even when trapped in an utterly hopeless situation.  The soaring, swelling emotion heard in Clark's voice matched with the meticulous ticking of the beat creates a build that gives listeners the very best of what St. Vincent has to offer at the very last chorus.  Clark said of recording the song, "I sang that in one fucking take, cried my eyes out, and the song was done."

2014 Year in Review: Taylor Swift, Ryan Adams, Future Islands, and What Wasn't the Album of the Year?

A lot happened in music in 2014.  Right?  What?  Huh?  You know something I learned in 2014 about music?  It's really hard to keep up with music these days.  I pride myself on following music and I didn't even know who Sia was until about three months ago.  Think you did better?  Just look at Stereogum's Top 50 Albums of 2014 or Pitchfork's Top 100 Songs... recognize them?  Recognize half of them?  Then you're doing pretty good in my book.

Even with my limited knowledge, I was able to catch some of the bigger happenings in music this year.

- Taylor Swift continued her steel fisted reign over the American music world, holding record sales hostage until she was damn good and ready to release her album in October.  She dented her legacy slightly when she thought she was worthy of representing New York City (Bodegas are NOT your friend, Taylor).

- War on Drugs had a kind of sort of fued with Sun Kil Moon singer Mark Kozelek, that was really mostly just Kozelek hurling insults while War on Drugs mostly ignored him.  How did it end?  With Kozelek releasing a song called "War on Drugs Suck My Cock" and War on Drugs having on of the best albums of the year, "Lost in a Dream." (Kozelek's own album, "Benji" wasn't bad either).

- Charli XCX and Kitten both finally released LPs this year that didn't quite live up to their previous singles and smaller ventures.

- Run the Jewels (Rap duo and partners in name puns: Killer Mike and El-P) put out two albums but it was the second, "Run the Jewels 2", a nitroglycerin doused, subversive, anthem that launched the group from America's radio into the country's social consciousness.

- U2 gave people a pretty good album for free, and everyone bitched about it.  (Rolling Stone's Album of the Year).

- Weezer made yet another comeback album, but this time it was something worth coming back for.

- Ryan Adams double dipped this year producing one of the best albums of the year in Jenny Lewis' "The Voyager" and releasing one of his own that was even better.

- Mac Demarco is a guy who exists that I guess you should start listening to.

- Against Me! released their first album since their lead singer's highly publicized sex change operation.  The aptly titled, "Gender Dysphoria Blues" landed in many Top 20 Albums lists.

- Future Islands head bobbed their way from Letterman into the mainstream and released what I am going to call the SECOND BEST Album of the Year.