Earthquake Apocalypse? Apocaquake!

Hey Crazy People!  You need to chill the eff out about this whole "Earthquake Apocalypse" garbage.

It seems that Earthquakes are the new Barack Obama for the Christian Crazies' sign du jour of the coming end of times (Look for a hastily made Sci-Fi flick starring Kari Wuhrer and Treat Williams to come out just in time for Easter).  And while it is true that they've been getting more play time these days than a Jonas Brothers song in a 13-year-old white girl's bedroom, the stats show it to be just a lot of media hype.

According to the be all and end all of Interweb data gathering, Wikipedia, there have been 15 or so noteworthy quakes so far this year ranging in magnitude from 3.5 to the 8.8 quake in Chile late last month.  Sounds like a decent amount, until you consider that quakes up to 6.9 in magnitude occur multiple times A DAY around the world.  Quakes with a magnitude up to 3.9 occur hundreds of times a day.

Even when you look in the wheel house of where most of these noteworthy quakes are hitting (6-6.9), there are still more than a hundred quakes of that level each year.

Yeah it is pretty crazy that there would be such a devastating quake as the Haiti quake followed closely by one as powerful as the first Chile quake, but I don't think we need to start calling Roland Emmerich (he "directed" 2012) a prophet just yet.

Want more proof?  Okay

Reason #1: New York is doing just fine.

In every disaster movie ever New York City is public enemy #1 for the inanimate evil.  As long as Lady Liberty isn't getting consumed by a tidal wave, or Grand Central isn't getting blowed up by a meteor, we're A-O-K.

Reason #2: No Lone Nay-Saying Scientist (Usually with Wife in Harm's Way).

So this is supposed to be a big deal?  Then where is Jeff Goldblum?  Dennis Quaid?  And why isn't he pleading with the president?  Don't tell me that stuff happens behind closed doors, how would I know about it if it did!?

Jeff's handled bigger problems than a couple of little Earth Shakes.

Reason #3: We have an Inspirational President Who is Kind of in a Rut... and He's Black.  Wait, what?

On second thought, this might not be the best point to make if I'm gonna argue against a world uniting disaster.  Although, good news for Obama, if the Quake-ocalypse is anything like the Aliens in Independence Day it should do wonders for his image.

The King of New York knows what a major disaster can do for your Re-Election chances.

So after examining all the evidence that I thought would best strengthen my argument, and ignoring all the evidence that wouldn't, I have come to the conclusion: Earthquake Apocalypse, you're Overrated!

Get offa Facebook, Parents!

Parents need to get the eff off of Facebook.

If you are over 40 there is already about a 84% chance that you have no business being on Facebook to begin with, but if you are, do the world a favor and stay away from your kids!

Your kids don't want you adding your two cents to their post making fun of their friend's new haircut or a picture documenting their weekend debauchery.

And they especially don't want you acting like a crazy old person who doesn't even know who their own kids are...

Stop It!

War Games: Global Thermo-nuclear War Ain't What It Used To Be.

Back in the 80s the world was a much different place.  The economy was in shambles, leg warmers were cool, the Rolling Stones were still together, the threat of WWIII was always hanging out at the corner store... okay, so things aren't that different.  But there was at least one thing:  Matthew Broderick was the shit.

Back before he put on his Broadway tap shoes and danced around FDR's wheelchair or he put us all to sleep fighting Godzilla, he was the coolest kid not in school in a little flick I like to call Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  But even before he was destroying classic cars or disrupting obscure parades, he was nearly destroying-then saving all man-kind with a simple game of tic-tac-toe.

War Games (1983) is a completely awesome flick years ahead of its time in its incorporation of video gaming into modern Americana.  Its exciting, fun, and it even has some decent social commentary (not that I care, Blow those commies to the moon!).

Yet War Games never seems to get any love, outside of an occasional showing on nerd network, G4.  So I'm taking valuable time out of my very important jobless day to let the world know: War Games, you are hella underrated!