"Too Many Cooks" or The Greatest Opening Theme to a Fake Show Ever

So yesterday, at 4am Adult Swim aired this.

I don't want to go to deep into it, the mystery of where it will go next is a big part of its majesty, but it is worth pointing out that all of the actors names are their real names.

Is it a show intro that never ends or a show that is nothing but an intro?  You be the judge.

(It starts getting weird around 1:18).

Thanks to Lorie Steele who showed me this on DangerousMinds.net where it was posted by Richard Metzger with thanks to Syd Garon. 

Baseball: The New Exciting Playoffs and The New Pointless Regular Season

The Giants are World Series champs for the third time in five years.  The series against the Kansas City Royals was nothing short of a barn burner.  It had all the plot twists of an instant classic: close match-ups, exciting comebacks, and nail biting finishes.  Madison Bumgarner turned in a spectacular pitching performance for the ages.  And when all the dust has cleared the Giants make for the least convincing baseball "dynasty" of all time.

Such is the new age of baseball that we live in.  One where two teams can carry a sub .550 winning percentage all the way to the World Series.  Baseball, more than any other major North American sport requires time to determine excellence.  It is why it has the longest regular season of any sport and why up until the 90s only 4 teams progressed to the playoffs.

Now, with the twice expanded playoff system allowing for 10 teams in each league to compete for the World Series in the post-season, teams like the Giants need to build a roster that can play just well enough to get in and then pull out all the stops in a short series.

It is what it is.  Are the Giants a dynasty?  I don't think so, but that's mostly a subjective term anyway.  What isn't subjective is that they won three World Series in a stretch that saw them have only the 7th best winning percentage (.538) behind the Yankees, Cardinals, Braves, Tigers, Rays, and Rangers.

If these Giants teams had been playing in pre-playoff expansion they would have only even made the playoffs once in the last five years (2010).  And the Giant's World Series opponents?  They've never faced one that finished the regular season with a record better than fourth in the American League (2010 Rangers 4th, 2012 Tigers 7th, 2014 Royals 4th).

Royals fans loved a postseason run, but their team finished with only 89 wins and a run differential of +27.

All of this points to a truth that has been unquestionably apparent in Major League Baseball for a few years now:  Being the "best" doesn't matter.

No sport has the perfect playoff system for finding the truly best team.  I a way, that's the whole point.  But at a certain point, 162 games feels a bit redundant if they don't really matter.  Parity is fun, but if you're going to make the MLB post-season into March Madness, something should probably be done about that pesky regular season.

As logical as it would be, it's unlikely MLB would walk away from all the money that have 162 games every season brings in.  Maybe the league could try separating the season and playoffs from each other into two separate trophies, like European soccer leagues.  The switch would add value to the regular season but it would also challenge the playoff system in a country where playoffs are all anyone has ever known.

There aren't any easy solutions and as long as the playoffs remain unpredictable and exciting it is unlikely MLB is going to look very hard for one.  So, just sit back and cozy up to the idea that you're about to care about June baseball even less than you already do.  But keep the popcorn ready when October rolls around.

Brooklyn Vocabulary to Match Taylor Swift's New York Vocabulary.

Breaking News:  Taylor Swift is in love with New York City.

And before the inevitable breakup and subsequent top 20 single about it, she wants to share that love with all of common folk out there, in as awkward a way as possible.

In the video below, she tries to educate the average joe and janes on the world in the terminology of New York City.

In this painfully contrived cross branding campaign with NYC tourism, Swift reads some words hesitantly off a cue card in one take.  Everything about it is pretty painful for anyone that actually lives in NYC (only assholes say "Noho").  It did insipre me, as a resident of the greatest city in the world, to share some important terminology one should know if they ever want to visit the borough of Brooklyn.

"Kings County"

Starting off with an easy one here.  Kings county is Brooklyn.  Like Queens county is Queens, and Richmond county is Shaolin.

"South Brooklyn"

Not to be confused to southern Brooklyn, south Brooklyn is the area south of downtown Brooklyn.  Hoods like Carrol Gardens, Boreum Hill, and Park Slope all help make up south Brooklyn.

"In a minute"

Now, most people are probably thinking, "Hey, we say this too."  Nope!  Anytime someone's saying "It's been a minute" or "I haven't been there in a minute."  They're saying, "It's been a lot of minutes".  Like the exact opposite of a New York minute.

"Pie"

Here's a little language lesson for all you monogloids, "pizza" means "pie" in Brooklyn Italian.

"Hipster"

You know, some of you might think you've got hipsters where you live.  You don't.  Brooklyn is the capital, the Mecca, the one and only place you can find true hipsters.  It isn't just about the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to, its about the lifestyle.  Hipster is one of those words that people use to describe people that isn't necessarily an insult but everybody always means it as an insult.  Most people deny their hipsterdom and if they don't they're usually a massive douche.  Suffice it to say, if someone from Brooklyn is calling you a hipster, you probably are one and they probably don't like you.

Note the pleasure the subject takes at the smell of his own farts.

"Word"

Truth.

"Bougie" or "Bougey"

Slang from the word Bourgeoisie.  Despite its origins it refers to a certain type of upper middle-class citizen becoming more and more common in Brooklyn.  Bougie people are nice, and they like nice shit.  Got a bodega?  Now its a organic grocery.  Got a dive bar?  Now its an artisanal pizza and wine bar.  Shit is extra Bougie in south Brooklyn.

Bougie people LOVE their huge ass baby strollers.

"Go take a ride on the G train."

Go to hell.  (No one says this, but they should).

"Corner Store"

I've been living in Brooklyn four about six years and somewhere along the way I started calling bodegas "corner stores".  Maybe its because no one that runs any of these places are ever hispanic, I don't know.  Everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say them, but I'm not actually sure if anyone else uses this phrase.  Note:  They do not have to be on a corner.

"Prospect Park"

The greatest park in any city anywhere.

"Yo"

Can literally mean anything.

"Fuggedaboutit"

Translation: "You're a tourist".  No one from Brooklyn actually says this anymore.  If someone says this to you, they're mocking you, yo.

So that's it.  Hopefully this guide will help you survive your next trip to the borough of kings.  We out!