Red Dawn

There are just some things I will never understand.  Well, actually, I guess I do understand how people in the 80s thought Red Dawn was a cool movie.

It had Swayze, Howell, and Charlie Sheen back before Swayze was a ghost (for the first time), Sheen had a hooker problem, and Howell had no career.

It also stuck it to the Russians good and hard, a popular sentiment during the Reagan years.  But in today's world of Call of Duty and Band of Brothers a movie like this one would get laughed out of Hollywood.

Red Dawn might be the most unrealistic modern war movie ever.  The Russian soldiers make Vader's storm troopers look like Delta Force.  Seriously, the A-team fought more competent enemies.  Are you telling me they can't find a bunch of high school kids with absolutely no military training?  How the hell did they even get organized enough to invade in the first place?

The "heroes" are a bunch undisciplined, whiney, obnoxious, doofuses.  They just sort of hang out in the woods, with no light or noise discipline, and whenever they feel like it they go blow up a Russian base which all seem to be a comfortable walking distance away.

Don't the Russians have helicopters? Countless supplies at their disposal?  Trained soldiers?  Are the Russians even looking for them?  Oh actually, yes they are because they come up with that totally ridiculous plan of forcing the one guy to eat the tracking device so they can ambush them.  Why didn't that kid tell anyone that he had a tracking device in him anyway?

Is that John Candy on the end?

The only good thing I can say about this movie is that "Wolverines!" was a pretty clever name for that level in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Some people apparently love this movie because they think it is "patriotic" or whatever.  I say to those people, remember that scene where the Russians are executing the prisoners and instead of dying with some dignity the prisoners decide to scream a horrendous rendition of "Oh Beautiful for Spacious Skies"?  And they wonder why the communists hate us.

Red Dawn, you ain't Swayze, you're overrated.

Tim Burton

I once thought Tim Burton was a genius, then I turned sixteen.

His hair wasn't always crazy, but his teeth were always bad.

I don't want to completely hate on Tim Burton.  He's got some good flicks.  I like Ed Wood, Big Fish, Beetlejuice is alright, and of course Pee Wee's Big Adventure is a timeless classic.  Yes, Burton has accomplished a lot since his modest days as the host of "Goth Talk".

But lets be real, this guy gets way too much cred for his quality.  It's like he is continuously trying to remake Edward Scissor Hands (from 1990!) every time he gets behind the camera.  

Every one of his movies is a little dark, a little whimsy, has a lot of people dressed in dark clothes looking very pale, and Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter acting "quirky".  Okay, not everything he makes is like that, sometimes he is ruining Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark.

Let's see, stay and be king of all humans with a super hot wife and probably anything else I want OR fly through a worm hole that will take me... somewhere. Hmmm, well guess I should get going! Oh and one more thing, I like the ape lady better!?

His movies always do really well in the B.O. and get pretty strong reviews, so I'm not going to try and deny he has talent, but if he is going to tell an off beat story he could at least make it original.  His last three movies wereCharlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeney Todd, and Alice in Wonderland.  All three of them remakes and all three of them look exactly the same.

Are you really being original if you just make everything look unusual yet exactly the same?  Look at Stanley Kubrick.  The Shining, Clockwork Orange, 2001.  All twisted and great, and all unique.

Ah, it seems like only yesterday.

So this and the fact that Kevin Smith does a pretty good job at making Burton seem like a prick (one of the only things Smith does well these days) and you'll excuse me if I don't go crazy over this guy's next movie.  Tim Burton, you're Overrated.

Polaris: Music From The Adventures of Pete and Pete

Of course, anyone born in the 80s remembers that magical show from Nickelodeon's better days called The Adventures of Pete and Pete.  Slightly less memorable is the very 90s rock intro song the show had.

The song comes from a little known band called Polaris.  They not only recorded the opening theme for the show, but they recorded a whole album's worth of music.  in fact, it was the only album they ever recorded.

The band was formed by three of the four members of New Haven band Miracle Legion for the sole purpose of recording music for the show.  

I can't say for sure what compelled me to do this, but one day I downloaded their entire album.

And surprisingly, or not considering how classic the show was, the album is really good.  With the exception of a few 60s recordings about outer space peppered around the album there a lot of gems on this hidden masterpiece.

Go check these guys out, or at least listen to some of their songs on youtube.  They're definitely Underrated.