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Entries in Q&A (1)


Ask a Hater: Do Dogs Shit on a City Street?

Question:  Spring is approaching and the dog shit is once again beginning to pile up.  Why don't people just clean up after their damn dogs?



Dear Val,

The answer to your question is the answer to a great many questions.  People leave their dog shit around for the same reason they throw soda cans in their trash or buy the pudding packs instead of getting the instant powder (even though the powder is cheaper and takes 5 minutes to make!).

They’re lazy.


Your Dog Won't Do It For You

People do lots of stupid, a-hole things because they’re lazy.  They buy shit they don’t want, they eat shit they don’t like.  But that’s not the only reason people don’t pick up after their mangy muts, because I’m lazy.  I’m lazy for no reason.  Sometimes I won’t be doing anything, just sitting around, listening to music and I’ll need to pee, but I’ll hold it.  Why?  Cause I was just out at the store and I just freakin’ sat down!  That’s why.  But just cause I'm lazy doesn't mean I'd leave my poop scattered all over the street, no, I'd also have to be…


They're so selfish they don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about them leaving their shit all over the flippin’ place.  I used to live on a street called Prospect Place, but I swear to God that it could have been called Dog Poop Place from all the shit that was on the sidewalks.  It was like people came from miles around just so they could be lazy and selfish in front of my apartment.  How would those people like it if they were to step off of their stoop into a nice lump of day old dachshund shit?  Where is the justice!?


-The Hater


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