Game of Thrones: In Defense of "Spoilers"

Note: This article does not contain spoilers (things in a story's plot that are unpredictable and/or significant to the characters or events), however, it does mention events yet to occur on Game of Thrones in a vague manner.  If you're Frank Costanza, stop reading now.

Game of Thrones is the most popular show on television.  The only thing these days it seems people like to do as much as watch Game of Thrones is talk about it on the internet.  A lot.  Now, while it is true that since the age of social media the buzz around Game of Thrones is unprecedented, the concept is an old one.  For the better part of a decade any show to make a splash on TV (or Netflix) has gone on to do the same on the interwebs with countless recaps, power rankings, " So and So speaks out about shocking episode", and mindless conjecturing.

And that last one is where all the trouble starts for Game of Thrones.  Fans of TV have always relished in trying to be one step ahead of the show and it's story.  "What will happen next?"  It's a infectious spirit that has been with us since the days of "Who shot J.R.?" but was made most popular for today's boob tube generation by ABC's Rube Goldberg machine to nowhere: Lost.

Losties loved to play the guessing game of where it was all going ever since they found Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Locke trapped on that mysterious island.  Wild theories abound, as an errant cough could be seen as the missing piece that tied everything together.  It turned out in the end, guessing was actually more fun than seeing.  But even with its failure to live up to expectations, Lost had supplied the model for every successful tv drama to come in it's wake.

Game of Thrones has taken this model to all new heights, there is only one problem: you can't theorize about what will happen when it's already happened in a book someplace.

Still, book-free fans of the show do their best.  But anytime you find an article or thread wondering "what will happen next" some book reader can't help themselves and needs to spoil it for everyone.

Now let me pause for a moment to make one thing clear:  I hate those people.  I can't stand it when some loser has to go around dropping bombs on fans of the show in some sort of childish attempt to feel smart.  It happens a lot more than it should.  You couldn't even look at a picture of Robb Stark on the internet without some jerkoff saying "He's gonna die" for years.

God Dammit, People!

This spoiler culture around GoT has not only made it very difficult to navigate social media, but it has made things unpleasantly hostile on both sides.  Book readers are excited to talk about the show, but annoyed by having to constantly censor themselves.  Show watchers - for the most part - appreciate having people around who can help them understand what the hell is going on, but are frustrated when they find out more than they want to.

As one who is firmly in the "book reader" camp I have to say the whole thing is quite tiresome.  I understand the plight of the "show watchers" and I think a lot of "book readers" are pretty obnoxious but just because you don't know something, does not mean it is a "spoiler".

When you talk about the ending of a movie that only came out a week before, THAT is a spoiler.  When you talk about the ending of an episode of a television show the next day, that IS NOT a spoiler.  Would you expect everyone to stay off social media about the final score of a major sporting event just in case you DVR'd it?  The responsibility to avoid social media until you've seen a LIVE viewing event is yours and no one elses.

If I were to tell you that in Empire Strikes Back you discover Vader is Luke's father, THAT is a spoiler.  If I were to tell you that Han and Leia go to a cloud city, that IS NOT a spoiler.  Most of the time, telling people something that was probably in the trailer isnt' a big deal, but because of the spoiler culture around Game of Thrones any leak of information, no matter how benign, is considered a grave sin.

This is even more ridiculous on a show like Game of Thrones where most of the pure show-watchers can hardly understand what is going on in the first place.  The world of Game of Thrones (which is actually the world of Ice and Fire) is so rich there is no way they could show everything even if they wanted to.  So, don't complain to me when I tell you the Three-Eyed-Raven is Brynden Rivers a bastard of the Targaryen family, former Hand of the King and Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, because the show is almost certainly never going to bother to tell you.  In fact, telling show-watchers things like this is beneficial to them, because Brynden Rivers only had one eye (unlike his counterpart on the show) which makes the line "A thousand eyes and one." Much more logical.

Did anyone else notice this?

The spoiler culture around GoT is a treacherous one and I admire those who weather it with dignity.  One writer/podcaster I particularly enjoy reading and listening to for GoT is Andy Greenwald at Grantland, largely because he does not recognize the books and it is interesting for me to see the differing perspective of someone who truly does not know what is going to happen next.  Sure, plenty of other writers "pretend" they don't know what is coming, but there is something patronizing about the tone that makes the pieces feel false and dull.

With Greenwald, you get to see someone explore solely the world of the show and theorize what will happen next free of any trolling book-reader influence.  It is impressive how often he gets it right.  But even people like Greenwald - who beams with pride whenever he announces that he has not, nor has he any intention of reading the books on which GoT is based - fall victim to the very smug characteristics they complain of in book readers.  Perhaps from enduring what I'm sure in an endless bombardment of obnoxious spoiler rich tweets and emails from fans and trolls, Greenwald has what would be generously be described as a thinly veiled contempt for fans that have read the books.  He will question the quality George R.R. Martin's (the author of the books) story based on incomplete information, then proceed to become indignant if a book reader dare correct him.

If you haven't read the books, you might think Drogon is a laughably bad name for a Dragon. But if you have, you'd know he was named after Khal Drogo. 

Blaming, Martin for storytelling choices made by the show (which is not run by Martin) is commonplace.  Even highly thoughtful and perseptive viewers like Greenwald can't help but compare the show to its source material and blame it for the show's shortcomings, even when they hardly even know what they're talking about.  They are careful not blame the show for a misstep keeping in mind that it is an adaptation, but are quick to blame the source material forgetting that it is an adaptation.

It's a hard, hard world that Game of Thrones fans live in.  The balancing act between fun for you and fun for all is one carried out on an unreliable scale.  In order to get along we have to respect the other side.  With GoT book readers need to know when to keep it to themselves and show watchers need to learn not to get indignant about every little detail they hear from a fan instead of the show.

Game of Thrones MVP Watch

In the Game of Thrones, you win or you die.  Every year there are multiple winners and losers, but one always dreams bigger and rises above the competition.  This person/creature/ice scythe is the Got MVP.

This Father's Day Game of Thrones will explore what Father/Daughter dinners are like in Westeros for it's season 4 finale, "The Children."  This season of GoT has been incredible, cashing in on a wealth of great storylines and characters for must-watch television just about every week.  The finale looks to be no different as showrunners are touting it as possibly the best episode yet of the series.

But who has had the best season this year in Westeros/Essos?  While nothing is final until the direwolf howls, lets attempt to give it our best guess as who will be riding the highest going into the break.

But first a recap of past MVPs:

Season 1 MVP: Daenerys Targaryen

Runner Up: Cersei Lannister

This is actually a much closer contest than it first appears.

Sure, Dany goes from being the abused younger sister of a psychopath to the forced bride of a (slightly dashing) murderous barbarian to the mother of three bad-ass dragons, but lets not forget Cersei Lannister and all she accomplished.

Cersei self maneuvered her way from being the unappreciated queen to a fat, drunken king to nominal Queen Bee in Westeros.  Sure, she had a little help along the way, what with brother/boyfriend Jaime pushing a small child from a high window, Lysa Arynn poisoning her husband juuuusst before he got Cersei sentenced to death, and Ned Stark fumbling the ball on the 1-yard line.  But, it takes that kind of luck to win it all.

In any other season Cersei would have locked up the MVP with ease, but alas, dragons.

LVP: Visery Targaryen

There were other losers, but none of them whined more or lost with less grace than Viserys.

Seaon 2 MVP: Tyrion Lannister

Runner Up: Tywin Lanniser

Tyrion was given his chance to shine in season two and shine he did, like wildfire.  As the acting Hand of the King, Tyrion was largely responsible for holding King's Landing and Joffrey's regime together during the tumultuous War of the Five Kings.  While he had allies, he went most of the season as a player/coach both designing masterful game play and carrying it out with precision and spirit.

Tyrion is also the only player on the season that kept his scorecard free of any major losses.  Roadwarrior Robb Stark lost key battles on the home front thanks to incredibly incompetent or traitorous subordinates.  Dany had success but she also didn't seem to understand anything going on around her.  Tywin gets the nod for his late season "heroics" but early in the season he did little more than exchange mildly witty banter with a sort-of-in-disguise Arya Stark.

LVP: Xaro Xhoan Daxos

Talked a big game, but had absolutely nothing going for him.  Had man boobs.

Season 3 MVP: Dany Targaryen

Runner Up: Tywin Lannister

It was a great year for most anyone named Lannister or Bolton in season 3, but Dany takes home her second trophy and it isn't even close.

Tywin upped his game this season, absolutely eviscerating anyone that dared sit down with him for a conversation.  But, Dany conquered two cities, recruited an army, started using her flippin' dragons as weapons, recruited a bigger army, and managed to also pick up something like four or five new boyfriends in the process.  The worst she had to endure were a couple of insults flung her way by guys that would either end up getting killed by one of her aforementioned boyfriends or cooked by one of her aforementioned mother-effing dragons.  Pretty flawless play all around.

LVP: Theon Greyjoy

It was a rough year for anyone with the last name Stark, but they all had a holiday in the sun compared to the seven hells that Theon Greyjoy experienced this season.  The only thing worse than what happened to Theon was the fact that we had to watch it.  All-time LVP season.

SEASON 4 MVP Projections

Odds:

Cersei - 5:2

Littlefinger - 3:1

Jon Snow - 6:1

Dany - 8:1

The Hound and Arya - 9:1

Tyrion - 16:1

Tywin - 19:1

Bran - 22:1

Stannis - 26:1

Ser Pounce - 50:1 

Theon - 250:1 (His odds might be better if he were dead)

Oberyn - R.I.P.

Right now it is a dead heat between Cersei and Littlefinger.  Cersei smoothly handled rival Margaery Tyrell, her father Tywin (who's table game has taken a drop in quality this season), and even held her own against Oberyn Martell.  If Cersei gets her ultimate revenge on her little brother and Tyrion's head ends up on a spike it would be hard not to give her the title.  

Littlefinger is a character that came out of nowhere this season.  Always fun to watch but rarely the center of attention, he not only orchestrated some pretty big plays this season but a few very impressive past accomplishments came to light (Being responsible for the murder of Jon Arynn essentially means everything that has happened in Westeros the last 2 years is because of him).  The guy might not be the flashiest player but his accomplishments are unparalleled.  being born with almost no money, fame, or holdings he has risen to become one of the most powerful men in Westeros and nominally rules over nearly a third of the continent.

If Jon Snow manages to survive his meeting with Mance he'll have had a very strong season in surprisingly limited play, even if he probably won't get much credit for it.  The tag team of The Hound and Arya have been fun to watch but it seems unlikely they're to pull off a big enough win late to give them the points needed to take home the trophy.  

Will Jon Snow know the glory of an MVP? Maybe, if he lives.

Dany and Tywin have surprisingly played themselves out of contention.  Tywin was unable to ever get his feet under him this season and failed to command his usual control.  Despite a strong start for Dany her decision to banish Jorah reeks of bad karma.

Both Bran and Stannis look to make late plays this weekend, but they're unlikely to cause a big enough splash to come away with anything but an honorable mention.

Tyrion is all but out of contention as well but fans would likely be more than happy to settle for his survival.

Regardless of who wins the coveted MVP for Season 4 one thing is for certain, it will not be Theon Greyjoy.

10 Worst TV Protagonists

The anti-hero is a popular choice for tv shows these days.  The trick of good writing is creating a flawed character with outward faults and inward turmoil and still making the audience love them.  Just because they can be fun or charismatic we can forget how awful these people truly are.  So now, I have taken it upon myself to remind all you good people just who you are rooting for when you turn on your TV.

*Two ground rules:  The show must have been on air in the last year and the character does not lose points for being involved in a criminal enterprise.  This is purely based on the flaws in the protagonist's character.

10.  Jax Teller - Sons of Anarchy

I don't mind that he is the head of a murderous, drug dealing biker gang.  But does he really have to be such a self righteous prick about it?

9. Rick Grimes - The Walking Dead

Rick Grimes is a good man trying to find a way for his family in a hard world, I get it.  But he cries way too much, worries about all the wrong things (It's a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, Rick!) and for a man that has done the things he has, he's sort of a wuss.

8. Sansa Stark  - Game of Thrones

Lady Stark has come a long way since the show's beginning and she has more than paid for her naivety, but I still watch episode 2 of season 1 and get so mad that she sided with Joffrey against her sister.  Joffrey, what a dick.

7. Jack Crawford - Hannibal

 

We may not have to worry about Jack's utter stupidity anymore now because he might be dead (along with everyone else), not that he wouldn't deserve it.  Seriously, what a freaking boob this guy is.  Now, I'm not alaw enforcement officer, but if I was, I'd like to think I'd be smart enough to not just collect evidence but use it to catch the bad guy.  Spoiler Alert, the bad guy is Hannibal!  Get it together Jack.

6. Jack Bauer - 24

I really don't think I need to explain this one.  George Bush's wet dream of foreign policy personified.  Bauer spends most of his days torturing people and shouting "go, go, go"!  The only reason he doesn't end up higher on this list is that he's so ridiculous I can't take him seriously.

5. Nucky Thompson - Boardwalk Empire

The sin of Nucky Thompson ultimately is not that he is cruel, or sadistic, or greedy, but rather, he is boring.  I love Steve Buscemi in nearly everything he has ever done, but in Boardwalk, I fear he was woefully miscast.

4. Jessie Pinkman - Breaking Bad

Oh Jessie, how we all loved you so.  Jessie rarely ever hurt anyone intentionally and his greatest victim was always himself, but that does not change the fact that a multitude of his selfish and ill-conceived actions led to the misery of scores of people.  R.I.P. Andrea.

4. Martin Hart - True Detective

Supremely unlikable and depressingly realistic, Det. Martin Hart is a terrible father and worse husband.  Hero to the outside world and destroyer of his own, Hart is a someone that you know exists in many police stations around the world.  We don't like him, but we must root for him because of the evil he faces and the hope that he can change.

3.  Sookie Stackhouse - True Blood

An obnoxious, empty-headed, selfish girl who would let everyone around her die horribly as long as it meant hot guys fawn over her.  Even fans of the show hate her.

2. Walter White - Breaking Bad

So, just to sum up, Walter manufactured a highly potent version of meth, teamed up with nazis, murdered dozens of people, responsible for ruining the lives of countless more all because he was too proud to accept charity from a friend?  Okay got it.  At least he had the decency to feel bad about it after.

1. Don Draper - Mad Men

You have to hand it to Jon Hamm and the writers of Mad Men for how effortlessly they get fans to root for and like a character as awful as Don Draper.  Utterly self-absorbed, emtionally abusive and manipulative, Don leaves few standing in his wake.  He has demons from his past, but even those circumstances are largely of his own creation and factor only passingly into his actions.  He never met a woman he wouldn't screw or a man he wouldn't screw over, and what's worse, he doesn't think there is anything remotely wrong with that.