Boneless "Buffalo" Wings

Few inventions of man have been as majestic, brought as much happiness into this world as Buffalo Wings.

Invented in Buffalo, New York by Teressa Bellissimo these deliciously messy tiny bird parts have lit up the lives of millions of people across the world for years.

I still remember my first wing.  It was at Chili's and I was around 8 or 9 years old.  My sister Kerry talked my dad into going and to this day, Chili's wings are among my favorite saucy selections.  

True Story: I once got a girl to go out with me on a date at bar by going up to her asking if she wanted to go with me sometime to Chili's when this commercial was on the TV. The date was terrible, but it happened.

Yes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Buffalo Wings.  Nothing.  Which is why it is such a horrific tragedy that an abomination like boneless wings exist.

Now, I don't claim to be a connoisseur of wings, but I do have very particular preference when it comes to my wings.  I'm picky.  They can't be too big, or breaded, or have too many spices on them.  Its more about consistency than flavor, but its still important.  I admit that just because I don't like a certain wing, it doesn't mean its a bad wing, unless it's boneless.

My first experience with them came at 99 Restaurant and Pub, where they don't even have a normal, all-american, bone-in option!  They were terrible, of course.  And so is 99. (true story: my sister Kerry once got a baked potato from them and it had a worm in it).

Boneless wins.  The only thing they remotely good for is cutting up and throwing on a pizza, that is, if you enjoy ruining perfectly good pizzas.

Most terrible of all, they allow one to eat the chicken with a fork and knife completely circumventing the messy cook out nature of the food.  To eat wings without getting some sauce on your face is like drinking non-alcoholic beer: what's the point?  It rips the very soul from the culinary goddess who gave us this gift.

I just thank God Teressa Bellissimo is not longer with us to see her beaufitufl creation bastardized so ruthlessly.

Boneless Buffalo wings, you're disgusting and very, entirely Overrated.