I Don't Think "Expendable" Means What The Expendables Think it Means.

(Sigh) yep, so another one of these things is coming down explosion boulevard, with little regard for our delicate optic nerves.

Okay, so maybe The Expendables franchise isn't THAT bad.  In truth, I've only ever seen parts of the first one.  Most reviews paint them as benign mindless action flicks and even occaisionally employ adjectives that border on praise.

But here's the thing.  The team of bad asses in these movies are called "The Expendables" as in, we don't need them.  So why don't any of them ever die?  Not only do they not die, they seem to multiply.

Note the first movie poster:

That's a lot of guys to start out with, one would think at least two of them would bite it before all is said and done.  My money would have been on Randy Coture and and Terry Crews, they weren't very famous at the time and both would have been easily replaced if a sequel was done.  By the way, how fake do Willis and Rourke look in that poster?  Did they just completely photoshop their faces into this picture?  Stupid question, of course they did.

So how many of our heroes from this poster ate it?  Zero.  Nil.  Nada. Zilch.  Zip.  Turns out, not very expendable.  Steve Austin dies, but he was a bad guy so he doesn't really count.

Things only got worse in the next installment:

Austin is supplanted by new baddie Jean-Claude Van Damme (who is appropriately named "Vilain").  Rourke is exluded all together.  New additions to the good guys include Arnold, Norris, Liam Hemsworth, and an anonymous Asian lady for a little diversity.  Guess how many die?  Well, actually, one (spoilers).  Hemsworth probably thought of himself too much of a rising star to commit to the franchise so he gets predictably knocked off, but all the rest are still ticking at the conclusion.

This is even more head scratching when you consider half of these guys are only in the movie for about 5 minutes, why not just kill them if they're only making a cameo?

That brings us to the present day, and the advent of Expendables 3:

Oh My God.  That is a lot of people.

And they're all so tiny.  They look like soccer players down there.  If it wasn't for the names I couldn't even identify half of them.  Even with the names who the hell are Ortiz, Powell, Grammer and Lutz?  Kelsey Grammer?  George Luz was the name of one of the Band of Brothers I can't imagine how he would fit in this movie though...

Other recognizable additions include, Harrison Ford (because Bruce Willis wanted more money), Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Ronda Rousey, and Mel Gibson.

Some of them have to die this time around, they just have to, right?

Anyway, we'll see... or maybe you will, I probably won't.