Phantom Menace Review

I am a little shocked at myself that I didn't think to post this sooner, but I guess the Attack of the Clones review by the same guy (Red Letter Media) jogged my memory.

You may have read recently about the Clones review as it got a little bit of media attention for kinda-sorta getting caught up in a legal battle for like six seconds.

Not much is description is necessary on this one, only that it is freakin' awesome, hilarious, and yet informative.  It is a little long (seven parts, each about ten minutes) but it is totally worth watching all the way through.

Here's part one to get you going.

Ladies, Stop Acting All Crazy and Ruining My Life.

Now, I don't usually do this (Check out the by-line) but I have been having a seriously problem with this lately and it needs to be addressed.

It seems more and more that every time I go out I meet some chick hell bent on pulling a bait and switch and throwing my night into a tailspin of "what just happened?"

Take the "Ask a Hater" segment from this week.  Not the most exciting post, short and no pictures, kind of like this one (man that looks boring).  the girl who asked that "Leah", actually didn't ask that per se.

This was a girl I met at a local bar last week.  She seemed cool at first, a little quirky, but whatever that's cool.  Then she tried force feeding me her sushi, two separate times, after I had already told her I didn't like sushi (I had a bad experience).

It didn't really bother me, in fact, I thought it was kind of cute.  But for the rest of the night it was like she was pissed at me cause I refused to eat the sushi.

I had a bad experience.

She started acting a little bitchy, and nearly everything we talked about involved her being a prodigy at everything (and not in that jokey, flirty way.  Like a serious "I'm a prodigy at everything" sort of way).

Then when I leave I say goodbye, and she says "whatever".  What?  What just happened?

So her actual question was, "Why can't some people read body language? (Not so subtle hint)"  But after talking to her I thought the question I used was more appropriate.

But that really didn't bother me as much as it did confuse me.  And it really didn't do either nearly as much as this other girl.

I was out again (at the same bar) and it was pretty crowded (by this places standards at least).  I'm standing at the bar and these two girls next to me are pretending they're lesbians so these guys hitting on them will leave them alone.

I end up striking up a conversation with the one further away from me about being irish (it's the night before St. Patty's) and I end up saying jokingly that my family has a castle in Scotland (which is sort of true) but this gets her friend to turn around and rub my arm saying "You have a castle?"  Now, she was joking, but still physical contact initiated right there.

So me and the closer of the two girls end up hitting it off and talk most of the night to each other.  She offered me to sit in her seat (cause my legs were sore from standing and her back was sore from sitting, or so she said).  She bought me and another person we were talking to shots at midnight for St. Patty's.  She was performing, and asked if she could borrow my guitar (even though her friend told me later that she was great at piano and, in fact, she was).

So end of the night rolls around, we've been hanging out together for about three hours, she says she is taking off and I ask for her phone number.  And she says, quote, "I'll give you my e-mail?"  That in itself is a pretty strong kick in the nards but it was also the way she said it.  Like she was trying to negotiate with me.

So, I didn't want to, but I took it and went to the bathroom.  Come back, she's still there saying goodbye to some other people she met.  I walk up to her and she turns to leave then just quick over her shoulder says something like, "see ya."  And leaves.  What the hell is that?  She just spent nearly the entire night talking to me and she can't even say, "Nice to meet you"?

Anyway, long story short I've seen this girl twice since this night and things have become completely awkward.  And I'm going to blame it all on her.

I definitely noticed she was cute when I met her, but I only started talking to her because she was right next to me and seemed cool.  And I could totally handle being friends with her, but she's just acting like I'm a creep or something, which is freaking ridiculous.

I am not a Creeper!

I'm pretty sure neither of these ladies read this blog, but if you do, and you disagree, please explain what happened to me.  I'd love to understand this insanity.

This is my favorite bar and crazy people are starting to make it difficult for me to hang out there.

Get offa Facebook, Parents! (Part II)

As if writing this is even necessary after the comments posted on the first installment but it can never be said enough.

Observe:

Now this joke is a little uncreative (and I get the feeling Dwayne is probably the "friend" that no one really likes base on his reaction) but it is perfectly acceptable, I mean seriously, it's so obvious, did Chris not see this coming?

Notice how lame-pants dad ruins a perfectly good joke by inviting himself into the dialogue.  But really, the fault lies with Chris for being friends with his dad in the first place.  Way to go Chris.

Empire Magazine is Just a Bunch of Monkeys with Typewriters

So it looks like Briton based film mag Empire is making a run at dethroning ESPN for the title of Most Retarded List of Excellence Ever Accumulated.

We're Retarded

A year and 1/2 ago Empire came out with a list of the Greatest Movie Characters of ALL TIME.  And wow, to put it like our friends across the pond might, it was one piece of rubbish alright.

Sure it was almost two years ago now but I just saw it yesterday so it is new to me.

Now, the whole list was an atrocity but lets take a look at some of the highlights.

#1 Tyler Durden.

The guy from Fight Club.  Seriously?  Wow.  I mean it was a cool movie and all but... wow. Just... This must have been a readers poll, right?  Please tell me it was a readers poll.

Hi, I'm the greatest, most interesting, complex, and charismatic character ever created in film. I'm also Brad Pitt, wanna see my abs?

#3 The Joker (Dark Knight).

Classic case of people having the memory of a goldfish.  If this had come out a year earlier this would have been Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men.

#8 Captain Jack Sparrow.

Oh, but this makes sense. Yeah, twenty years from now everyone will talk about the Pirates of the Caribbean series and compare it to Star Wars and Indiana Jones, Die Hard.  Yeah, its just as good as those movies...

#16 Neo.

Yeah, cause Keanu Reeves is what everyone loved about the original Matrix movie.

#22 Ellis "Red" Redding (Shawshank Redemption)

Really?  I'm more surprised that anyone knew this character's full name than anything else.