River Cuomo's Life Story Is Going to Be A TV Show... What Other Celebrities Will Be Next?

In one of the more surprising ventures to come out of television entertainment this summer, Fox recently announced the green lighting of a pilot based on the real life experience of Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo's time away from the rock universe as a Harvard Student.

The show's story will most likely be of the rom-com nature and neglect much of what made up Cuomo's actual time away from rock stardom (which included 2 years of celibacy, boarding up his windows, and doing 6+ hours of yoga a day).  Producers have given some teasers of the plot saying it would focus on a rockstar going off to college in a fit of "quarter-life crisis", and feature his interactions with the non-famous and meet his future wife (which Cuomo actually did do).

This whole idea of tapping Celebrities' life-stories for television entertainment has made me wonder: what other celebrities are ripe for fictionalization?  So, without further ado, I submit the following pilots for consideration.

Jason Lee

What's it Called: Reels and Rails

Genre: Sit-com

Network: ABC

Why:

Jason Lee first made a name for himself as a competitive skateboarder out of California.  He founded the skate company Stereo with friend Chris "Dune" Pastras and was one of the first two skateboarders to receive a signature shoe from Airwalk (the other being Tony Hawk).  Lee got his break appearing in the films of another friend, Kevin Smith, along with Ben Affleck and has since been known much more for his screen appearances than his skate work.  Reels and Rails is a tale of a rebellious skateboarder who becomes a movie star when his incredible acting chops are discovered in some small indie films he made with a buddy.  Our hero's character and friendships are tested by his sudden and sometimes tumultuous rise to fame.  Jason has already gotten a early start with this as the inspiration behind a character in the Scott Pilgrim universe.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

What's it Called:  The Builder

Genre: Drama

Network: Showtime

Why:

In many ways, Arnold's life story is the American Dream.  There is a whole stable of potential choices for the "actor turned politician" route (another appearing on this list) but Arnold's ascent is so much more complex.  He's not just an actor turned politician, he's a foreign body building champ turned action movie star turned politician.  Content of the show can focus on some of the darker aspects of Arnold's life and the hero can be a charismatic and mysterious foreigner with a single-minded obsession to conquer all things.  Also, there'll be a lot of sex.

Mase (The Rapper)

What's it Called: Drop the Mic

Genre: Drama

Network: Oprah Winfrey Network

Why:

Few stories are less remembered and more bizarre.  Maybe it had something to do with Mase's rapping skills but in any case, this man walked away from the rap game at the peak of his fame to become a minister.  Our hero has a profound religious experience and recommits himself to his faith but struggles to leave his past life behind.  Are we sure this show doesn't already exist?

Henry Rollins

What's it Called: Parental Advisory

Genre: Drama

Network: FX

Why:

I should start out by saying I find Rollins' life to be fascinating.  He has experienced a lot of amazing things and he is great at sharing these experiences.  The part of his life the show would be based on was how he got his start: as a teenage fan of Black Flag that would go on to become that same band's frontman.  This was the premise of a terrible movie Rockstar from about a decade ago but with the proper guidance this could be a gritty, fun show exploring not only the life of a civilian turned rockstar but the underground rock scene of the 80s.

Al Franken

What's it Called: Headlining the Hill

Genre:  Faux Docu-Comedy

Network: NBC

Why:

I mean, c'mon.  How easy is this one?  This was already done as a movie with Robin Williams called Man of the Year.  Just imagine if Stephen Colbert was suddenly a congressman?  The hijinx that would ensue!  Our hero would be a quirky and quick-witted comedian who finds himself running for and winning a seat in congress.  The format would be similar to Parks and Rec and The Office.

Kim Kardashian

What's it Called: Why am I Famous?

Genre: Sit-com

Network: HBO

Why:

Bare with me.  A highly fictionalized account on Mrs. Yeezy's life draws its inspiration from the point at which she gained her fame and runs with it.  A female comic and aspiring actress is suddenly thrown in the spotlight when she makes a drunken sex tape with a sleezy wannabe famous rapper type (think Kevin Federline) that is stepping out on his shallow famous wife.  She struggles to find a balance between keeping her dignity and cashing in on her new found fame.  Sleeper hit here, folks.

Pinkerton Deluxe Makes Me Sad

So Weezer came out with a deluxe version of their album Pinkerton this week.  It featured a bunch of live recordings of the original songs and some b-sides that were never given a wide release.

Let me just first say that Pinkerton is awesome and nearly every single extra song on this rerelease is equally so, but part of me wishes the whole thing never happened.

First of all (and semi-unrelated) most of the b-sides I have on some burned disc somewhere back from the days when I would spend 3 hours everyday downloading songs off of audiogalaxy so my need to actually purchase this from Itunes is immediately diminished but I haven't seen that disc in about 6 years and I'm not poor so I don't mind buying the occasional track off Itunes.  But $16.00 is a little expensive.

One, about 99.9% of anyone interested in buying this already owns the original album so that's 10 songs they don't need to pay for right out the gate.  Now, that still leaves 26 songs, which is a lot except that half of them are live recordings of the original songs, El Scorcho appears on the album 4 times in different incarnations.  I love El Scorcho but I don't want to pay for it 4 times.  Whatever, this is really a minor issue, I'm not gonna buy the whole album anyway.  But still.

The real thing that bums me out about this sort-of-new album is how good it is.

I've heard almost all of these b-sides before, but its been a while for a lot of them and hearing them now is like hearing them for the first time again.  The initial euphoria brought on by the pure force behind them quickly gives way to the realization that these songs are so much better than nearly every song Weezer has come out with in the last 8 years.

If any one of these songs had been a new song on one of their more recent albums it immediately would have been every fans' favorite song.  And this is coming from someone who actually likes a lot of what Weezer has done on their last 4 albums (Raditude mostly sucked though).  It's been good.  But it hasn't been nearly this good.

There was a time when Cuomo thought about things other than being cool and famous.

Maybe some of it is nostalgia, but Weezer songs just don't have the same kind of heart these songs had.  They definitely don't have the same intensity.  Songs from the days of Pinkerton were honest and insane, when Rivers gives out a guttural scream on Tired of Sex you know he isn't thinking about how many people are going to think he's cool, or if he is, I sure as hell can't tell.  Every song has a feeling to it that it could halt at any moment because Rivers just couldn't take it anymore and smashed his guitar.

I know that Weezer has evolved and that's a good thing.  You can't come out with the same album over and over and over (but ACDC did and it worked pretty well for them).  But I reaaaally liked that Weezer, and they ain't ever comin' back.