Random Movie Review: Zoolander

What do these three questions have in common?

- What is a great movie?

- Can you name a Ben Stiller comedy that still holds up to this day?

- What is a supremely underrated movie?

Not much of a mystery considering the title of this article.

Earth to humanity!  It's Zoolander, dummy.

Honestly, not much needs to be said about Zoolander aside from maybe recommending all of America take a good long look in the mirror and ask themselves how they've let this comedy classic become a largely forgotten gem.

It may have something to do with Ben Stiller's descent into dull family comedies in the decade following Zoolander that caused it to lose some luster (Meet the Parents, Night at the Museum).  Not just family comedies, really, Ben Stiller's comedy career post-Zoolander has been pretty uninspiring.  Duplex, Envy, Along Came Polly,Tower Heist, The Watch.  Aside from Tropic Thunder, Stiller hasn't played a significant role in a comedy that was both critically and commericially successful SINCE Zoolander.

Even so, the future sins of Stiller shouldn't erase the good he once did as a model-turned-miner.  If you are having trouble recalling just how moving this piece of comedy gold is, just look back at this clip and the majesty of Magnum.

Zoolander, you're as Underrated as an orange mocha frappachino!

The Return of The Walking Dead and The Half-Life of Modern TV Dramas

For those loyal and rabid fans, there are few sights sweeter than the massive banner at comic-con NYC this week reminding them:  the fifth season of The Walking Dead is nigh.

AMC has touted The Walking Dead as "the most popular show on television" for a while now (It has broken records in tv ratings for a cable show) and this Sunday's premiere figures to once again be a ratings bonanza for the network.

I was a late comer to The Walking Dead, I started watching it on rerun marathons shortly before the start of season three.  From the start it had an overly dramatic soap opera-like quality.  Even for a show dealing with a post apocalyptic near future featuring flesh eating zombies, the show could get pretty silly.  Still, its pulpy goodness was a lot of fun.  AMC has made a network on pulp.  Hell, the network's best show was about a high school teacher who became a meth cook.  Pulp is a great starting place for a tv drama.  The hard part is having the writers and cast to keep it afloat once the new car smell fades.

The Walking Dead has always suffered from a slew of unlikable and/or annoying characters, but in the first few seasons, the premise was still fresh and the relationships between the characters were dynamic enough to keep people watching.  Three seasons down the line the show has become contrived, dreary, and tired.  But ratings are as strong as ever.

I can't tell you how many times there are elongated fire fights in this show and no one gets shot.  Or how many times whole groups of people get overrun and wiped out by a zombie hoard... except, of course, for the plucky heroes.  Characters introduced for the sole purpose of being killed off in few hours.  Sitting watching the screen wanting to scream, "Just kill name of frustratingly stupid character already!". But ratings are as strong as ever.

All of this before we even get into the fact that AMC is a major believer in the "half season" programming structure which slows plot developments to the speed of molasses.  

Fans had grown sick of the insufferable "hero", Andrea. long before she was finally killed off.

Even most fans of the show will admit that the show has flaws.  Obnoxious "heroes", extremely convenient plot twists, entire story lines that you'd love to be able to fast forward through.  Their defense: almost any show suffers from the same problems and The Walking Dead has enough redeeming qualities to make up for all its faults.

It is true that many shows, even televisions most popular, suffer from similar- issues.  The crowned jewel of television at present, Game of Thrones, is often criticized for its scatterbrain storytelling and complex plot network.  What Game of Thrones also has, however, is mass critical acclaim for the things it does right:  the breath taking special effects and set work, its complex and relatable characters, award winning acting.  The major disconnect for The Walking Dead is its complete and utter lack of praise (particularly in recent seasons) from critics and sparse award collection.

But ratings are as strong as ever.

This is not an uncommon phenomenon of television.  Shows today can last for years thanks to a strong start.     True Blood lasted for lasted for seven seasons, despite only really putting out one great season (it's first) and barely even being watchable by its third.  Boardwalk Empire made it to season five despite being DOA after Season 2.  Sons of Anarchy, Mad Men, Six Feet Under, the slow dimming of the lights for small screen dramas is all too ordinary.  As much as anything, it draws attention to how incredible shows like The Sopranos and Breaking Bad were.

If you were the main character of a show that gave you 6 glorious seasons, you'd have a smug smile on your face too.

The reason is simple, people are too invested to bring themselves to change the channel.  All that time on the couch simply to see how something is gonna end.  It is amazing how many people will continue to giving a show hours of their lives for something they could just read in 15 minutes on a website.  Who dies?  How?  Why?  Who wins?  Okay.  Time to eat a sandwich.

There are worse things you can watch than The Walking Dead.  I watched the entire first season of Arrow (and kind of liked it), so I know what I'm talking about.  People not willing to watch serialized dramas is the reason why network tv is full of sitcoms and reality television.  Still, its hard not to roll your eyes at people getting all excited for something that hasn't been good since 2012.

The Walking Dead, you may not be going away anytime soon, but you're overrated.

Rating Grantland's Rating of Weezer

For the Grantland article rating all things Weezer click HERE.

For about a year or so now the sports and popculture website Grantland, of which I am a big fan, has run a column called "_________ Overrated, Underrated, or Rated Right", sound familiar?

Now, I'm not claiming somebody at Grantland saw my website and decided to steal my concept (because I don't think they did).  Is it possible they saw the site and thought they'd incorporate the idea in their own writing?  Yeah sure.  But even that I kind of doubt.  

While many may try to rate the pop culture catalogue of the world, only I can do it with the refined snark that the common people love.

But this time they went and tackled a favorite topic of mine:  Weezer.

Yes, with the release of Weezer's new album, resident Grantland music man, Steven Hyden, took it upon himself to rate the various albums and phases and past times of Weezer.  Being the student of the bespectacled rock band that I am, I could not sit idly by with out throwing my hat into the ring.

*note* I'm only going to give basic breakdowns explaining why I disagree or agree with Hyden's take on things here as I've already shared my feelings on Weezer several, SEVERAL times on Rated Wrong, including on a Gentlemen's DisAgreement podcast.  Just search Weezer in the search bar if you're curious.

First, the picture.  Classic pop-art colorscheme Grantland uses for a lot of their pieces.  It looks good.  What I really love about it is that House Greyjoy shirt Scott Shriner is rockin' at the top center of the collage.  Game of Thrones and Weezer, it does not get any better than this folks.

Hyden then opens up talking about Weezer's recent history and decline.  It's all pretty standard "they aren't what they used to be" Weezer fan lamentation stuff.  One thing that caught my attention:

All this subtext is pushed to the forefront of Weezer’s latest LP, Everything Will Be Alright in the End. The album plays like an extended apologia to wearied long-term followers, a conciliatory box of chocolates packaged as a “return to rock” nostalgia move. "Don’t want to pander to the masses anymore," Cuomo pledges on "I’ve Had It Up to Here"...

Just as I was reading this paragraph, I was listening to Everything Will Be Alright In the End (EWBAITE) and that exact line from "I've Had It Up to Here" played.  Freaky.

In this opening ramble most of what Hyden says isn't very controversial among Weezer fans, but he gives a one line review of EWBAITE that I wanted to address:

What’s different on Everything Will Be Alright in the End is that Cuomo has stopped trying to reinvent Weezer’s future and has moved on to reliving Weezer’s past.

He then goes on to assert that this is depressing.

I could not disagree more.  I do not think EWBAITE is the sound of Weezer retreading their past.  Rather, it is the sound of them linking with their past in order to evolve and move forward.  Songs like "The British Are Coming", "Foolish Father", and the "The Futurescop Trilogy" have notes in them (much like a good wine has "notes") that remind you of Weezer's early days, but you would never have found those songs on Blue or Pinkerton.

Way off base, Hyden.  Like - you got caught stealing by the pitcher - off.

Then he starts with the albums, live shows, b-side, and everything else.

*note*  The italicized quotes are Hyden, the bold text and explanation is my assessment of his assessment.

His thoughts on Weezer (1994):

It’s the best guitar-pop record of its era, hands down.

Rated Right.

His thoughts on Pinkerton:

It’s obviously great, but in my mind it will always be inferior to the Blue Album, which is not how history seems to remember it. Therefore, I must declare it to be ever-so-slightly overrated.

Rated Right.  In fact, I'm starting to wonder if Hyden is just copying my articles on Weezer because our opinions are very close so far.

His thoughts on Weezer (2001):

The Green Album makes you feel so fine you can’t control your brain, possibly because your brain is on sleep mode.

He means that in a good way.  Rated Right.

His thoughts on Maladroit:

...it is riff-centric near-metal that out-Kisses any Kiss record released after 1978. 

He says the album is underrated, which I agree with, but he gives the album a little too much credit as Weezer struggled to identify their sound with Maladroit.  Hyden called EWBAITE a failed attempt to do what Maladroit accomplished, when in truth, it is the other way around.  Rated Right - Then Wrong.

His thoughts on Make Believe:

The awfulness of Make Believe tends to be overrated by those who haven’t experienced the true dregs of Weezer’s discography.

He calls it underrated.  Hyden really goes to bat for Make Believe, and it does have a few good songs ("Haunt You Every Day", "This is Such a Pity") but he labels the sophmoric "Perfect Situation" as their last great single and sites "We Are All on Drugs" - maybe the worst song in the entirety of the Weezer catalogue - as a quality song.  Rated Wrong.

His thoughts on Weezer (2008):

Is the Red Album a joke or just incoherent? Either way, it made me feel like an asshole for liking Weezer.

Hyden hates this one.  I think the problem here, a problem that many people run into when judging Weezer's Red album, is that they ignore the bonus tracks.  The album proper is pretty ho-hum and "Heart Songs" is pretty crappy (though I don't think it is "The worst Weezer song of all time" as Hyden states), but the bonus tracks are fantastic.  "Pig", "Miss Sweeney" and "It's Easy" are some of the best songs Weezer put out in the last 15 years.  For Hyden to ignore this can only mean he either wants to hate Weezer or he has never heard the bonus tracks.  Either way, he has comitted a mortal sin.  Rated very, very Wrong.

His thoughts on Raditude:

So the Red Album didn’t make you feel like an asshole for liking Weezer, huh? Here, this ought to do it.

Ratidude is Weezer's worst album, but again with the crapping on Red.  Rated Right.

His thoughts on Hurley:

Hurley doesn’t look so bad in comparison to the Red Album and Raditude. With a different album cover, it might’ve even been considered a minor comeback.

Hyden calls it underrated.  He's so close, yet so far.  Ignoring the repeated digs at Weezer (2008) he appears to call Hurley Weezer's best album since Maladroit or at least Make Believe.  In this sense he calls it underrated, because while bad it's not that bad.  I (mostly) agree, but here's the problem:  most Weezer fans who have listened to it have the exact same opinion.  Hurley is rated right by fans and Rated Wrong by Hyden.

His thoughts on Death to False Metal:

Death to False Metal isn’t as dire as might be expected. Then again, I had never heard “I’m a Robot” before last week, and I don’t intend to ever hear it again.

He calls it Rated Right in that it is largely ignored.  I have to say, I'm surprised he even included this album.  Rated Right.

How can Hyden say no to this face??

His thoughts on Songs From the Black Hole:

Like so many “lost” albums, Songs From the Black Hole is more intriguing as an idea than as a record. Pinkerton is unquestionably stronger.

Hyden calls it overrated but takes the time to point out that certain tracks from this aborted Weezer album are real classics of their catalogue ("Devotion", "I Just Threw Out the Love of My Dreams"). Hyden simply makes the honest assessment that while these songs center around the peak of Rivers Cuomo's mythos, they don't quite live up to the sum or their hypothetical parts.  Rated Right.

His thoughts on B-Sides, Unrealesed, and Outtake Tracks:

The narrative with each new Weezer album always includes the part about Cuomo writing approximately 492 new songs and winnowing the backlog down to 10 just-right tracks. His vault of material is immense. (The Alone compilations apparently only scratch the surface.) But if we’re talking non-album Weezer tracks, only three songs (and four ladies) matter: “Susanne,” “Jamie,” and “Mykel and Carli.” Any list of Weezer’s 10 best songs must include these tunes, or else that list is irrelevant. Honestly, I would trade all but two or three Weezer albums just for those songs.  Properly rated.

I included the whole segment he wrote.  Wonderfully said (except for "Jamie", not sure I'd put that in the top 10).  Rated Right.

His thoughts on Weezer's Live Show:

Weezer either plays songs I enjoy like it just woke up from a coma, or songs I hate with the ferocity of coked-out accountants cutting loose at the karaoke-themed office party.

Hyden has apparantly seen Weezer twice.  I've seen them eight times through the years.  I've witnessed the full evolution of live Weezer.  While they're music has been dimisinished returns for the better part of a decade, they're live show has gone along the exact opposite trajectory.  It is a lot of fun.  The one thing he gets wrong:  they DO still play the hits.  In fact they play more tracks from Pinkerton than they ever did 15 years ago.

His Thoughts on the Music Videos:

Buddy Holly: overrated

Sweater Song: underrated

Keep Fishin': properly rated

First "Buddy Holly".  I don't know if he has something against the song, but this is a great music video.  Period.  Rated Wrong.

Second, "Undone (The Sweater Song)".  I don't know who would call this underrated, but I'm certainly not going to argue with them.  Rated Right.  *FUN FACT* the two guys in the hallway at the beginning of this video are wearing gravity boots and are actually upside down.

Third, "Keep Fishin'".  Not sure why he chose to review this video, when others were far more popular ("Beverly Hills", "Hash Pipe").  I think he just thought he could get a good joke out of it.  He kind of does.  Rated Right.

His thoughts on Matt Sharp's legacy with the band

Sharp disputed songwriting credits on the first two albums, filing a lawsuit in 2002 that was settled out of court. But any suggestion that his creative contributions would’ve significantly changed Weezer’s direction seems bogus. Weezer will always be primarily a vehicle for Cuomo’s songs, for better or worse.

The real void Sharp left in Weezer concerns his unofficial status as co-frontman...

Rated Right - Then Wrong - sort of. He calls fans' persistent theories of Sharp's importance to the band and connection to Weezer's decline overrated.  I agree with this.  Then he says that he was the one guy in the live show that had any sort of spark.  Not completely untrue, but the video he uses as an example that features Cuomo standing like a statue and Sharp jumping around like a maniac is a poor one since Sharp was trying to compensate for the fact that Rivers had a broken leg at the time and was performing in a very painful brace.  How do I know all of these things about Weezer!?!?

His thoughts on Ric Ocasek's Contributions

But the evidence that Ocasek is a magic bullet isn’t very compelling, considering the albums he produced after the Blue Album — the Green Album and Everything Will Be Alright in the End — just get progressively worse.

Two things are becoming abundently clear.  Steven Hyden does not like Weezer's awesome new album and at some point, Ric Ocasek stole his girlfriend.  Rated Oh-So Very Wrong.

His thoughts on B.o.B.'s "Magic" and Rivers Rapping

First of all, the Treblemakers did it better. Second of all, Rivers Cuomo rapping on a ubiquitous pop hit was unfortunate but inevitable

It hurts so much, but it's true.  Rated Right.

His thoughts on Patrick Wilson's Frisbee Skills

He's impressed.  And rigthfully so.  Rated Right.

His Thoughts on the Weezer Cruise

I get that Weezer wants to work it out with its fan base, but sometimes divorce is nobler than seasickness..

You know, I get that the Weezer Cruise is lame, but Hyden is unnecessarily cruel here.  Shame on you sir.  I know my Weezer parents will be together FOREVER!!!!  Rated Wrong.

So, in conclusion, not a bad effort by Hyden.  There was a lot here I liked, a lot of good truthful rating going on.  Doesn't quite have the snark down yet.  He has more missteps than I would have liked but hey, I'm the master, next to me everyone is going to stumble now and again.  If I could give him one piece of advice it would be research, research, research.  The worst parts of this were when he rated something improperly based on faulty or incomplete information.  Also, give Everything Will Be Alright In the End another listen, Steven, it is pretty damn good.