Ask a Hater: You're Welcome, Now Get the Hell Outta My Face

Dear Hater,

The other day I held the elevator for someone, no big.  But then when they got in they were all out of breath and all up in my face with all this "thank you so much" business.  Which would have been cool if they didn't have the most heinous smoker's breath.  Why do people think it is okay to be breathing all up on me with out so much as putting a lifesaver in their pie-hole first?

-Erica

Dear Ericamerica,

First I would like to congratulate you on holding the elevator, spread the love.  Second, I feel your pain.

Keep a minimum of 3 feet from Amy at all times.

There are few things worse than getting a big face full of nasty smoker stench.  Another might criticize you, claiming you wouldn't feel so strongly if you took a puff every once in a while yourself.  But I say nay.  Why should you have to change?  They're the ones that suck.  With their smelly, expensive, habit that, oh yeah, can kill those around them.

But this situation is so classic.  You do something nice for somebody, and they repay you with a level two Pokemon attack.  Its disappointing, but not surprising (I'm sure Jewish mothers everywhere can relate).

Haven't these people ever heard of Altoids?  They're more than just a logo on the tin you keep your weed in.

The sad part is, there isn't much that can be done.  Just like war and limp bizkit songs, there will always be bad breath.  I wish I had more for you, some sliver of hope to offer, but no (I am "the hater" after all).  Oh well, just maybe next time carry some binaca.

Don't worry, it's just a breath freshener.

Comments

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